3.17.12

Today marks the last day of week 29. It's also St. Patrick's Day! We celebrated Tony's Irish heritage by getting a 4D ultrasound of our little bundle! This is one of the pictures taken of her today.
We've been debating who she looks more like. I must say that I think she has a lot of Tony's facial features. Her nose and chin are pure Vardiman=) And her hairline looks more like his than mine. I'm sure I'll see myself and Tony in her at different times. Babies have a tendency of looking like both parents periodically. I think she's beautiful. I can NOT wait to hold her in my arms and watch her face change while she sleeps; Watch her taking in all of the sights she can see; and hear her 'secret baby lanugage' as our friend Elliott calls the little grunting and squeaking noises that babies make. It's hard to believe that she's mine. I mean of course I feel her moving around and bouncing on my bladder. The idea that I get to keep her is a wild one right now. This little (hopefully) person will come out of me. This being that Tony and I have carefully planned for, prayed for, and hoped for will be here in (again, hopefully) the next 10 or so weeks. She comes home to our apartment, entrusted to our judgement and lack of skill. Whoa.

I will be forever known as mom from the first breath she takes. I CAN wait for the diaper blow-outs, sleepless nights and vomit. I know that's part of the territory. It's not like I haven't dealt with those before. But it was someone else's baby. That baby could go home. This one, will be at home at my house. A friend of mine said she never wanted children because 'they're always around'. Uh, yep. That's what happens. This person^ has been 'around' 24-7 for the last 7 months and she isn't going anywhere any time soon. She'll just be WAY more fun when she's out. I'm kind of torn about the whole birthing process. I know it's going to happen. I know it will hurt. I know she can't go back in once she comes out. But there is part of me that would be okay if she stayed this close and safe forever. That's not how this whole becoming a parent thing works.
Everyday after she comes out is a day I get to let go of her a little bit more. I'm doing my best to wrap my head around this idea. Life is about letting go of what was and making room for what is to come.