3.17.12

Today marks the last day of week 29. It's also St. Patrick's Day! We celebrated Tony's Irish heritage by getting a 4D ultrasound of our little bundle! This is one of the pictures taken of her today.
We've been debating who she looks more like. I must say that I think she has a lot of Tony's facial features. Her nose and chin are pure Vardiman=) And her hairline looks more like his than mine. I'm sure I'll see myself and Tony in her at different times. Babies have a tendency of looking like both parents periodically. I think she's beautiful. I can NOT wait to hold her in my arms and watch her face change while she sleeps; Watch her taking in all of the sights she can see; and hear her 'secret baby lanugage' as our friend Elliott calls the little grunting and squeaking noises that babies make. It's hard to believe that she's mine. I mean of course I feel her moving around and bouncing on my bladder. The idea that I get to keep her is a wild one right now. This little (hopefully) person will come out of me. This being that Tony and I have carefully planned for, prayed for, and hoped for will be here in (again, hopefully) the next 10 or so weeks. She comes home to our apartment, entrusted to our judgement and lack of skill. Whoa.

I will be forever known as mom from the first breath she takes. I CAN wait for the diaper blow-outs, sleepless nights and vomit. I know that's part of the territory. It's not like I haven't dealt with those before. But it was someone else's baby. That baby could go home. This one, will be at home at my house. A friend of mine said she never wanted children because 'they're always around'. Uh, yep. That's what happens. This person^ has been 'around' 24-7 for the last 7 months and she isn't going anywhere any time soon. She'll just be WAY more fun when she's out. I'm kind of torn about the whole birthing process. I know it's going to happen. I know it will hurt. I know she can't go back in once she comes out. But there is part of me that would be okay if she stayed this close and safe forever. That's not how this whole becoming a parent thing works.
Everyday after she comes out is a day I get to let go of her a little bit more. I'm doing my best to wrap my head around this idea. Life is about letting go of what was and making room for what is to come.

March 2012

Today marks day 2 of week 28 on our journey of becoming parents.
Saturday was the first day I've had trouble tying my shoes. I had to have Tony help me. I suppose the good thing is that now I get to go shopping for shoes I don't need to tie.
I have been having hormone surges like crazy. I'm fine one minute, Tony, or actually, anyone, says something and I'm over the edge! Really hormones? This is what we're doing now? Thankfully my wonderful husband has recognized what is happening and is doing his best to not take it personally. I know it's been tough on him.
I'm now officially 'grounded' in that I won't be traveling very far from home. We are planning to go on a BabyMoon up the coast in the next few weeks. We won't go much further than San Francisco. Tony is really enjoying looking through ideas of where we could go, see and do!
I had thought about taking the train up the coast. But, if something were to happen, it may be really inconvenient to get home by train in labor, should that occur.
I'm getting bored at this point. My hands are swelling, my ankles are swelling, and the baby is growing, which of course is the important part! She's moving around a lot more every week. It's so fun. I'm going to miss her little movements when she's out.
We don't have a name yet. We've been playing around with a few just as a joke, ie. Coco Puffs Vardiman, but nothing has stuck for us yet. We have had quite a few folks weighing in on what BG's name should be. My brother (Rob) and his brother-in-law (Mikkel)have named BG, Roberta Mikayla. Hilarious guys. Thanks. Mikayla, ok, Roberta? Really? Haha! Of course all the women I know named Mary think her name should be Mary. My aunt Mitzae, thinks I should name her Mitzae. Um, no.
For my birthday present I want to get a 3D ultrasound done. Turns out, they're now 4D. Which is very cool, and they're under $200! Hooray! That was a great find! I'm very excited to see the features of our little one more clearly than on our routine ultrasounds! We have seen her face, briefly, once. Typically she has her hands in front of her face. I'm hoping she will turn around for her big picture day. She's facing inward right now. Which is fun for me because I can feel her hands, feet and legs moving around, but not so much fun for dad. It's tough for him to feel her move through her back, and the placenta, and my fluff=)
We're hoping when we see her on the 4D ultrasound we'll have a better idea of what her name should be. I'm pretty stuck that she should LOOK like her name. I don't want to have just one name and fall in love with it and when she comes out, she totally looks like a completely different name. Yes, it's weird. I know. But that's the way I see it.
I think we have the majority of the 'equipment' we need for her arrival. I'm still a LITTLE concerned about having enough clothing for her. I'm hoping that my friends who have volunteered to send us clothes will follow through. I'm having a tough time allowing them to do things at their own pace. I'm a first time mama folks. I'm kinda wanting to have everything here, in my possession, ready to go. Which begs the question, when should I be ready?
I've been having this internal debate with myself. Is it possible to wash things too early? What if I wash new clothes that are too small for her when she comes out? That would be a waste of washing right? I'm thinking that she'll be a big baby (9lbs +). So, if I plan on that, what if she comes out at 7lb.? How far ahead should I have my bag packed? I'm only 28 weeks. Theoretically I have at LEAST 7 more weeks before her arrival is eminent. Ah the joy of having very little to do and much to over-think. LOL. I'm doing my best to relax and just leave it all alone. But it's VERY difficult. We have baby stuff all over our apartment. Mostly because it's a small apartment. Our office/guest room is going to be the baby's room. We have her pack 'n play set up because it's holding stuff for her right now. Once she arrives we'll need room for diapers and wipes and all of the other stuff that goes along with baby needs.
I have been doing my best to remind myself that women in 3rd world countries have babies every day without all of the 'stuff' that I think I need. All she will need is me, some clean diapers, clean clothes, a car seat, a couple of blankets and somewhere safe to sleep. No big deal.
Way easier said than done for me!
Work is VERY slow right now. I'm hoping that dad's efforts pay off for him soon and that I will have more to do. In the mean time I've contacted a guy about doing some data entry for him from home. We'll see how that works out.
I've passed my second glucose tolerance test! Hooray! We have our last 4 week appointment on March 28th! Hooray!!! Then we go to appointments every 2 weeks! Ahhh! It's happening, she's coming and I can NOT wait to hold her little hands and toes and kiss her and know that she is mine forever. Yes, I'm ooey gooey in love with her already =D