October 1

Life certainly has changed in the last few days.
I received a message from my dad on Thursday the 29th that my step-brother passed away. I'm having a lot of conflicting emotions about it. I am sad for his early departure from his life because he and his mom were so close and she did so much to try to help him. I'm relieved because he has been tormented and in such pain for years that now he doesn't have to hurt anymore. He was an addict for most of his life. He went to rehab for alcoholism in 2004. He was alcohol free for 3 years. He went to AA and volunteered with Big Brothers/Big Sisters as part of his recovery. One night after a softball game, he grabbed a beer and started drinking.
My stomach fell to my feet. I had no idea what to do. Do I say something? Do I not? He's a grown man, he can make his own decisions. It's not my place to monitor him. I called a good friend for advice. She suggested I call his mom and ask what she would like me to do. I did, she was touched that I was concerned, and had known that he had started having a beer now and again. She asked me to not say anything to him in front of anyone. I did what she asked and went about my business. The more we played softball together, the more he drank. He was a REALLY happy guy after 3 or 4. More than 5 and he was bulligerent to the umpires. The team just thought he liked to have fun. It made me very uncomfortable. I did not say anything to anyone. I thought I was being respectful of his privacy.
The following softball season he was having back trouble and couldn't play with us as much. He was being treated by a doctor, having regular visits, taking specific medicine, and still drinking.
This May he totalled his motorcycle while driving under the influence of some sort of mood altering substance. He blamed the person in the car in front of him. He blamed his mom. He blamed the nurse. He blamed everyone. He was not responsible at all. He was lucky to have been alive after plowing into a car at 65 with no helmet, and only a t-shirt and shorts on.
After the hospital found out he didn't have insurance because he had quit his job, they stitched him up, gave him some pain pills and sent him home. He had a broken hand, several broken ribs, and chunks of flesh missing from where he hit the pavement. But when he was at the hospital, he was so hopped up on whatever he was on, he couldn't feel that anything was wrong with it. And then when he got home, he was taking quadruple the dose the hospital prescribed, so still, he couldn't feel anything.
My step mom went to his house several times a day to check on him. Help change his bandages. Made sure he was eating and had food in the house. My dad had a maid service go to his house to clean up because he couldn't do much. She took his car to get 'serviced' so he wouldn't have a way to go anywhere to get himself into more trouble.
He called and asked her about the car, she said he could have it back when he stopped taking so many pills. That worked for a couple of days, then he had a friend take him to where the car was (at her house) and he told her she was terrible and his 'shitty life' was her fault, if she had loved him enough, he wouldn't be hurting so much.
She kept going to visit him. He then decided to get sober. So, he took a bunch of his pain meds and was semi-comatose for weeks. It was awful.
My step-mom was torn up. She didn't know what to do. She had been trying for weeks to get him in to a rehab program. She set up to finance his entire recovery herself. He wouldn't go. He said she should just leave him somewhere.
Earlier last week, someone beat him up. Severely beat his body and broke several of his windows. My step-mom called her ex-husband for help. She hadn't spoken to him in years. He was set to go to Dallas. They were going to go together to get their son committed to an institution against his will if necessary. They agreed that they would do whatever it took to keep him alive. Then on Thursday he was dead.
I have no idea what happened. I don't know the details. I am assuming that he committed suicide in some way. I don't know that for sure.
My heart goes out to my step-mom. She and I have never been close. No one deserves to be treated that way. We'll be travelling to Dallas for a memorial service in a couple of weeks.
Please send a prayer for those you know that have struggled with addiction. It's a very cruel and sneaky mistress.