The long road

July of 2001 I had a cyst the size of a football removed from my right ovary. That surgery was one of the scariest things to ever happen in my life. Going in, I was told that depending on how severe the cyst was, I could wake up without an ovary and possibly without a uterus. I had barely wrapped my head around that idea when I was scheduled for surgery. The moment I woke up was filled with relief and angst. Thankfully I was able to keep my uterus and both of my ovaries.
Following the surgery, I saw a nutritionist, walked to and from campus from our house over a mile away, stopped drinking beer, and went sugar-free. I lost 35 lbs and felt great!
I graduated college. Worked 2 jobs. Found an actual 'real' job, that lasted 88 days. I quit on day 75 and gave a few days notice.
With no back-up plan, I moved to Texas for 6 weeks.
A little over a year later I met my amazing husband. I had continued to lose weight. I had lost a total of 70 lbs.
Over time, staying sugar-free became less and less important. My new love and I would go out to dinner, drink wine, have dessert. We had a great time going out to eat. It was more than eating for us, it was bonding, it solidified our relationship. Over time, I began drinking beer again. And silently and stealthily, the weight came back. 5, 10 lbs over a year, then when I turned 27 something happened. Almost over night, I gained 35 lbs. Which wasn't bad, but I had already gained 20 lbs. So, there I was almost 60 lbs heavier. I wasn't really bothered by it. I had lost the weight before, I could do it again. No big deal. Over the next year or so I gained another 45 lbs. Then, we got married.
Almost immediately I went to the gynocologist, requested clomid and metformin. The doctor prescribed both after reviewing my chart and talking to me about family planning.
I tried that for 3 cycles. To no avail.
After that I decided I should start looking for a specialist close to our home. I did so. I began seeing him shortly after my 28th birthday.
He instructed me to lose 50 lbs and quit smoking. It took me a year and a half, and a fist full of toxic crazy drugs to get me to lose the weight. Not to mention the alienation I created for myself. I was so focused on getting my family started that I dug huge crevaces between myself and friends, as well as family. No one understood. Not even my husband, how deep my desire to begin our family together. No one could relate to me. No one could give me solace.
Then, the doctor let us try for 2 cycles on Femara followed with an HcG shot. Following the last negative pregnancy test, his words to me were, "You're only option is now IVF. I can go no further with you. IVF will cost you roughly $15,000.00. Come back when you are ready to begin."
I went home in a state of shock. All of my hard work had been for nothing.
I got no prize. I felt gipped. Slighted. The more my husband tried to encourage me, the less I cared. I slipped into a very deep depression. 6 months later I got mad about it. I found a new specialist. He was very kind, understanding, and ready to proceed. We did some more testing. More evaluation and more medications.
The month we were going to start our family journey, Tony got offered a job in San Diego. We had been working toward moving there for over a year. It was everything we wanted, and more. So, we moved.
With a referral in hand, I went to a clinic in North County. After meeting with the doctor and nursing staff, I was angry. I was treated like a number. As though I had no idea what I was talking about and what I wanted to do with my body was of no concern to them.
I spoke with my general practitioner. He referred me to his long time friend who is a standard OB/GYN. I worked with him for over a year. We did clomid for 10 cycles along with 2 IUIs (inter-uterine inseminations). Neither worked.
My OB suggested a specialist in the same building. We met with her. We were very impressed with her results, her reviews, the reviews of her staff and with her approach to our specific situation. When we met in May she suggested we wait until June. When we went in in June, I hadn't had all of my blood work done, so she wanted to go ahead in July. Well, the office would be closed when my cycle was supposed to come. So, that pushed us back to August. So, now, here we are. It's August.
4 of my very close girl friends are having 6 babies in the next 6 months. Yes, there are 2 sets of twins.
It's August! Our month! And, when I call to tell the nurse that I haven't had my cycle since June. She tells me that she talked to me in July and that we were waiting until August because my husband wanted us to wait. No. Seriously lady. No. That's not what happened. I didn't call in July. I spoke to you in June. I promise. She asked that I call her on Monday to let her know if I had started my period yet. Nope. Sorry lady. I'm actually 30 days late, with 2 negative pregnancy tests.
Now, I'm waiting for the nurse to return my call.
I am very frustrated with the entire process.
I have currently lost 17 lbs. I joined a gym. I have a trainer. I am working with my chiropractor to correct some of the chemical imbalances that are occuring in my brain as a result of high blood sugar, due to my insulin resistance as a complication of being diagnosed with Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I currently weigh over 100 lbs more than I did when I met my husband. Yep 100. I can hardly believe it. I guess that's a whole lot of oreos and not a lot of gym time.
Most women would have thrown their hands up in the air by now.
I hear stories about women who tried and tried and tried to get pregnant for 6 months, it didn't work, and they now have perfect twins via IVF. Really? You couldn't even wait a year?
I feel like I've paid my dues. Everyone I know and love has had at least one baby, some more than 2. I'm ready. Could I please have my baby now?